Jitters

As you probably know, Gene and i spent a lot of time during our Gen Surg rotation last year on the wards, writing in the notes, seeing patients in clinic on our own etc. So when i got my roster back in Oct and found out that i was starting out in Surg i was pretty pleased because i felt that i was prepared.

But as you know, i was having cold feet just before i started. Even during orientation this week, the night before we were meant to shadow the out-going interns, nagging thoughts in my head kept me from sleeping well.

Yesterday, when i was on the wards writing notes, seeing patients, doing paperwork under the supervision of the interns, i felt alright. Finally, something from my 6 years of training has prepared me well for the job.

Until today, when the oldies went for lunch and left us newbies in charge of the ward. The nurses flagged a patient who has a positive fluid balance of 1.5L and basal crepitations. Then i went, "OMG... what should i do now?".

If i were a medical student, the answer would be easy, patient has fluid overload, so give her diuretics and get rid of the excess water.

But NO... all of a sudden, i'm the one writing up the drugs, i'm the one held legally responsible for her care, i'm the one with the potential to do harm. Paralysed by indecision.

So in the end, went back to my fellow newbies and had a minor discussion and then was saved by a 2nd year resident.

Please please please...... don't let me kill a patient.