It's Christmas and as a diabolical (and erhem! conspicuous) plan by HR to pay me back for working unrostered overtime, i'm scheduled to work the long weekend.
I don't celebrate Christmas. It doesn't hold any particular significance for me except for boxing day sales, which, much to my chagrin, i will miss this year just as i, finally, have sufficient financial capacity to splurge.
However, even the importance of that pales in comparison to the wish of having a good weekend at work.
The week began with being the admitting team and accumulating patients at an insane rate. As the week slowly ticked away, the medical ward pushed and laboured towards getting patients home for the festive season. As the days went by, so my desperation and desolation grew when come Christmas Eve, the ward hardly had any empty beds.
Tonight as i go to sleep i will be wishing that the stress of Christmas not precipitate the influx of these particular demographics on my ward:
1. Freeloaders: homeless, poor people who come into hospital for free food.
2. The desperate lonelies: people with no friends or family who want to have an excuse to be around other people.
3. Malingerers: Druggies who forgot to stock up on happy pills while their regular opiod/benzo-prescribing GP is off to the Caribbeans.
4. Accidental overdosers: Druggies who figured that hey, it's Christmas, perfect reason to get higher than normal and end up with a GCS of 3.
5. Neurotics: People who are so disagreeable that even their own family shuns them, and in their morose disappointment, develop psychogenic chest pain in order to bring family rushing to their "death beds" in guilt.
6. Alcoholics: Alcohol induced DKA, HONK, Hepatic encephalopathy, self asphyxiation... anything!
7. That god-forsaken, ungrateful, intellectually disabled, obnoxious, self righteous, borderline, bogan son of a bitch whom we just discharged yesterday. I swear i will feed him panadol to tip him over the edge of his liver cirrhosis if he decides to represent for the 4th time due to non compliance with medications.
So, as long as these people stay the hell away from my ward... it will be a pleasant weekend.
Merry Christmas everyone!
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