So here i am on the 5th day since i left Vanuatu, finally having cleared enough space on my desk, which i left in the post-world-war exam state, to place my laptop on a surface stable enough for me to blog.
I got back to my part-time job the day after i arrived in Melbourne, unpacked my luggage that same day, talked MOAO to death about the things that happened to me in Vila and Tanna and yet i'm refusing to get in touch with reality.
I avoided my room like it was a patient with scabies. Somehow, putting it back into a semblance of normalcy signified that i had to put an end to my wishful thinking.
I didn't want to leave Vila. I still don't. Alice's eyes brimming with tears as she hugged me goodbye keeps replaying in my mind's eye.
As we sat side by side on the plastic chairs of Bauerfield airport, i sensed her sadness was due to more than just the thought of me leaving. I was her small window to the world outside, through me she saw a small glimpse of the life beyond. She realised that leaving Vanuatu was beyond her reach.
So now i'm in a dilemma. Because to see is to covet. Should i show her what life outside Vila is? Would it make her happy for an instance only to render her vulnerable to despair and discontentment? I don't want something like this to mar our friendship, the simple joy of having got to know each other and enjoyed each other's company.
When i first arrived in Vila, i thought that western civilisation was beginning to ruin the best parts of it. Only now i realised that the tainting of this pristine nation was done by our earnest desire to help.
No comments:
Post a Comment