Digging a grave

Counting down my last 8 emergency night shifts. Last 8 emergency shifts ever in this shithole of a hospital where the bosses don't care, don't know or don't want to know. Sometimes all 3 in combination.

Initially at the start of this rotation after psych, i told myself to take things easy, slowly, patiently because i no longer need references. If i get angry or frustrated with patients, i'm only sabotaging myself as there is no outlet for this frustration.

For the first 5 weeks, this attitude kept me afloat, and then everything else about the god forsaken place started to wear me down again. The queue of nonsensical presentations pacing in the waiting room grew longer as the weather took a better turn. The number of sick patients stuck in ED grew larger due to the bed shortage. The number of people who could be seen in the available space fizzle down to 0 and the original purpose of being a turnstile was lost.

The interns who are leaving in 3 months time (aka yours truly) collectively don't give a shit. The residents who are stuck here for good and know they will never be fired because of the existing shortage of doctors continue to drag their asses. The bosses who can't get a job in another department of SCH or any other hospital dish out resentment while cracking the whip for patients to get seen faster, always pandering to the bottom line of getting people out, either discharged home or palmed to another department. There is no pride, no integrity and no self respect.

The nurses knowing the cluelessness of most of the doctors snort derisively behind our backs and oppose our decisions, always harrying us to discharge patients out of their care.

Come friday evening, all the GP clinics in the region shut down and every single person trying to get sick leave for the coming monday gravitates towards the ED. The waiting room swells with the influx of people, the number of doctors rostered to work over the weekend decreases against the flow of logic and unsurprisingly, we reach an impasse.

If i don't get out of there at the end of my 2 weeks, i'd start having death wishes, suicidal ideations and perhaps even homicidal tendencies.