Shove it up yours!

I've long heard of rumours since medical school that no matter which hospital you work in, every year there will be at least 1 or 2 such cases.

When i was on my 3rd last night shift, scrolling up and down the screen to get an overview of current workload and bedspace available, i came across: foreign body in rectum.

It was a carrot. He had literally shoved it up his ass.

To my disappointment, the treating doctor didn't order any x rays. Imagine what a good film to teach radiology with, me pointing to x ray surrounded by medical students "So what do you see?"

Anyway, last night/this morning was my last ED shift in this shithole ever! My first patient was an old sook of a woman who drank 5 glasses of wine, tripped over with wine glass in hand which promptly shattered and lacerated her. She basically yelled down the house while i was injecting local anaesthetic. Big surprise. A 9 year old kid whom i did the exact same thing to made her look like a wussy bogan cry baby.

The great part was that while i was suturing, a bleeder squirted blood all over my shirt. I was suddenly presented with a very good opportunity to go out into the waiting room drenched in blood, holding a scalpel while saying "Next!".

Hiang hiang hiang... i'd have enjoyed it tremendously. The south park picture of me in the upper right corner has proven prophetic at last.

But alas, one of the nurses liked me too much and got me some scrubs to change into before i could turn them down. Didn't want to hurt her feelings.

So today, as part of my self gratifying celebration at having survived a second horribly drawn out 11 weeks in the shithole known as ED, i'm going out shopping, spending my fat paycheck from nights before i get it.